thank you all for your kind comments. i apologise for being absent these past few days and somewhat brief.
it is with a some shame that i admit to have been wallowing in self pity. with each disapointment comes the strong desire to reach for the tiny white pills in my dresser which should be decreasing in number but for my stuborn resistance to taking them. i was even more upset at having to tell both china girl and my ever supportive mum that their high hopes and assurances of success were all misplaced. she has failed yet again.
it seems that just when i am sure things are going better, that there is hope and direction, that it all falls down around me. how can they tell from a few pages of writing that my film would not have been brilliant or that i would not have worked as hard or harder than the others accepted?
i took three days off work to get away from it all and go up north with a couple of the girls. however, the dark clouds of the past few days caused the holiday to be a total washout. it rained as soon as we got outside of auckland and did so until we drove home today. high hopes of days spent sunbathing and swimming on the quiet beaches of north nz were dashed.
all was not lost though. aside from a few stolen moments walking on the beach and a bit of a topless swimming in the dead of night, we ended inside baking cake and playing pictionary. in the spirit of inventivness skinny minnie and i enmtied half a bag of marshmellows into our choc cake mix, a decision with garnered more than a few laughs when it turned into a pinky, browny, white soup in the oven. don't try this one at home! it was good to get away i suppose - not having to feel guilty about all the errands i have stacked up, tidying the constant mess on my desk or answering calls from work asking me to go in on my day off.
we shall simply hold out hope for sunshine tomorrow. if all fails one must simply see it as an opportunity to showcase her pretty marc jacobs gumboots.