tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2009-11-10:/the self indulgent thoughts and ramblings of one lost in her own little wonderland. ~ Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est ~MokoFeed2009-11-10T09:29:12+01:00tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-02-06:/2006/02/06/malice_in_wonderland_part~538804/elle_in_wonderland2006-02-06T12:01:34+01:002006-02-06T12:01:34+01:00 <p>perhaps it is paranoia or perhaps someone i know has really found my blog. either way, the desire for greater annonymity means i am relocating to another part of cyberspace. elle_in_wonderland is now defunct. thank you for all your comments, support and advice.</p> <p>i will invite all my current blog friends to my new blog. anyone else is very welcome to comment or email me for the new adress. </p> <p> - elle xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/02/06/malice_in_wonderland_part~538804/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-30:/2006/01/30/dark_clouds_hanging_over_me~518356/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-30T08:34:41+01:002006-01-30T08:41:52+01:00 <p>thank you all for your kind comments. i apologise for being absent these past few days and somewhat brief. </p> <p>it is with a some shame that i admit to have been wallowing in self pity. with each disapointment comes the strong desire to reach for the tiny white pills in my dresser which should be decreasing in number but for my stuborn resistance to taking them. i was even more upset at having to tell both china girl and my ever supportive mum that their high hopes and assurances of success were all misplaced. she has failed yet again. </p> <p>it seems that just when i am sure things are going better, that there is hope and direction, that it all falls down around me. how can they tell from a few pages of writing that my film would not have been brilliant or that i would not have worked as hard or harder than the others accepted? </p> <p>i took three days off work to get away from it all and go up north with a couple of the girls. however, the dark clouds of the past few days caused the holiday to be a total washout. it rained as soon as we got outside of auckland and did so until we drove home today. high hopes of days spent sunbathing and swimming on the quiet beaches of north nz were dashed. </p> <p>all was not lost though. aside from a few stolen moments walking on the beach and a bit of a topless swimming in the dead of night, we ended inside baking cake and playing pictionary. in the spirit of inventivness skinny minnie and i enmtied half a bag of marshmellows into our choc cake mix, a decision with garnered more than a few laughs when it turned into a pinky, browny, white soup in the oven. don't try this one at home! it was good to get away i suppose - not having to feel guilty about all the errands i have stacked up, tidying the constant mess on my desk or answering calls from work asking me to go in on my day off. </p> <p>we shall simply hold out hope for sunshine tomorrow. if all fails one must simply see it as an opportunity to showcase her pretty marc jacobs gumboots. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/30/dark_clouds_hanging_over_me~518356/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-23:/2006/01/23/title~498035/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-23T13:08:33+01:002006-01-23T13:08:33+01:00 <p>just received email from head of film department. i didn't get in. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/23/title~498035/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-21:/2006/01/21/a_stralker_in_a_taurus~491898/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-21T12:34:10+01:002006-01-21T12:41:30+01:00 <p>grabbed my only single gf gem and went to check out "broken flowers" tonight. wonderfully subtle film with quiet and unexpected humour. for those that do not need a 'proper' hollywood ending i would highly recommend this one. from the director of 'coffee and cigarettes' (i personally didn't much care for this film - stopped watching after 30mins) comes the story of a ageing don juan who receives a pink letter from an old flame telling him he has a son. the unsigned letter prompts a cross-country trip to visit ex-lovers who may be the author of the note. </p> <p>it has been criticised by some people for being too subtle, too quiet and perhaps an example of lazy writing/directing. it is true that perhaps several of the extended driving or map sequences could or should have been edited. however, people who have made these comments seem to miss the point that the director is putting across - it is not about the destination, but the journey. the character of don never finds the answer he is searching for. while the sudden ending is momentarily disapointing and unfulfilling, one realises that he don found what he was searching for it would have been a completly differnt film. this is a movie about life, not about finding a long lost son. </p> <p>broken flowers celebrates the excentricities (i know i can't spell - suggestion to blog.co.uk - spellchecker!!) of everyday middle-america - the animal communicator, the popsical-eating teen lolita and the village of idential model homes. it also points out that people must stop living in the past. the many driving scences which have come under attack for their unecessary length illustrate this point with shots of the side car mirror showing a view of the road already travelled. </p> <p>"...the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present." </p> <p>if you loved lost in translation then you will love this one. also keep an eye out of "thumbsucker" and "heights" which both look like they will be worth a watch <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/21/a_stralker_in_a_taurus~491898/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-20:/2006/01/20/blue_always_was_my_colour~487936/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-20T01:35:07+01:002006-01-20T01:35:07+01:00 <p>Red States vs. Blue States</p> <p>With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of all fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Amherst, Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech and MIT.</p> <p>We can live simply but well.</p> <p>The Red States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US mosquitoes, 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.</p> <p>A high price to pay for controlling the presidency.</p> <p>Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and, most difficult of all to grasp, 61% believe that Bush is a person of moral conviction!</p> <p>(about.com) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/20/blue_always_was_my_colour~487936/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-19:/2006/01/20/rest_of_the_world_not_in_the_us_vocabula~487891/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-20T00:57:55+01:002006-01-20T00:57:55+01:00 <p>Last month, a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was... : "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"</p> <p>The survey was a huge failure because...:</p> <p>In Africa they didn't know what " food " means.</p> <p>In Eastern Europe they didn't know what " honest " means.</p> <p>In Western Europe they didn't know what " shortage " means.</p> <p>In China they didn't know what " opinion " means.</p> <p>In the Middle East they didn't know what " solution" means.</p> <p>In South America they didn't know what " please " means.</p> <p>In the USA they didn't know what " the rest of the world " means</p> <p><em>Yasamin O. Izadkhah, BA MEd PhD PgC<br> Research Associate,<br> Humanitarian Resilience Centre, DCMT,<br> Cranfield University</em> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/20/rest_of_the_world_not_in_the_us_vocabula~487891/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-13:/2006/01/13/cutting_it_fine~466121/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-13T03:46:48+01:002006-01-13T03:46:48+01:00 <p>after weeks of total writers/filmmakers block i finally came up with the concept for my ten minute short film the night before it was due. i talked it over with china girl who was huge help in coming up with some locations where i could shoot and film ending, not to mention keeping me company over msn well into the early hours of the morning when i was still writing. </p> <p>it is phenomenally difficult to come up with any kind of half decent story that can take place in under ten minutes. i ended up deciding on a kind of mini-adventure that takes place when a guy and girl meet after missing the same train. they end up doing a bunch of crazy and silly things around town for a couple of hours while waiting for the next train. the mini-daventrue will be shown in a montage form to condense the time.</p> <p>anyway, there was also a lot of question within the aplication about my film influences and why my short film should be made so it ended up taking me until 8.15am to finish. thank god for red bull!!! i printed it out and handed it to miss sweet sixteen with a map of uni so she could hand it in for me (absolute darling sister that she is caught a bus into town for me to drop it off), jumped into the shower for 2mins and rushed to work in time for opening the cafe at 8.30am. talk about cutting it fine. i worked till about 6.30pm when i finally got to go home and collapse in bed. so glad its over! now i just have to wait for a couple of weeks to find out if im one of the 15 people chosen for the course. fingers crossed!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/13/cutting_it_fine~466121/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-13:/2006/01/13/have_a_bit_of_chuckle~466104/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-13T03:13:55+01:002006-01-13T03:26:10+01:00 <p>a friend sent me this link a couple of days ago. i thought i'd share it with you all it made me smile....pretty catchy too! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p><a href="http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php"><br> Numa Numa</a></p> <p>most music fans settle for singing along to their fav tune but apparently in europe people are moved to make their own low-budget music vids. watch out for some awsome eyebrow action! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/13/have_a_bit_of_chuckle~466104/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2006-01-08:/2006/01/08/minus_a_plus_one~450719/elle_in_wonderland2006-01-08T07:22:50+01:002006-01-08T07:22:50+01:00 <p>it is begining to bother me that jem and i are the only single people left in our group of friends and seemingly the wider world. </p> <p>last night i arranged to meet china girl for drinks after work and she showed up with computer boy. i wasn't upset or angry. i think hes a pretty cool guy and he makes her happy so it didn't bother me. when i went home though i started to realise that everyone has someone. all the people i know, no matter now weird or screwed up their relationships are not alone.</p> <p>it didn't help that the boy text me again. after taking the "he just not that into you" advice of operah and the very gay looking guy who wrote the book i had not replyed to him for a few weeks. but im weak and caved yesterday. i said i would meet up with him. he bailed again. surprise surprise. i want to be mad at him but in truth you can only get screwed around if you let yourself get screwed around. stupid stupid girl that i am.</p> <p>adding insult to injury the belated xmas card from old family friends in england brought news that farm boy - two years older than me and perfect in every way (gorgous, smart, hilarious, wonderful british accent and lives in the same district as madonna) - is engaged and getting married. was i ever going to marry him? no. i don't even want to get married. i also don't want to be alone. god that sounds all kinds of pathetic just typing it. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2006/01/08/minus_a_plus_one~450719/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-30:/2005/12/30/just_a_little_bit_of_bloodlust~426643/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-30T13:36:14+01:002005-12-30T13:40:40+01:00 <p>i arrived at work today, grabbed a couple of plates of food that needed to be taken out, walked out onto the deck and.....</p> <p>...........there they were. my two ex-managers - the evil balding european guy with the brain capacity of a seven year old and the metrosexual arrogant narcissist. yes. after a year of avoiding my ex-resturant and all those associated with it, they just happen to come in for a drink at my new place of employment. </p> <p>it gets worse. mr bald and the narcissist were sitting there drinking with my current boss and my gay manager (apparently a drinking buddy of the narcissist). mr bald kept telling the other wait staff to send me over to say hello. i told then that i would rather impale myself on something sharp. </p> <p>its not so much that im worried that they said awful things about me to my current boss although that is definatly a concern, it is more that they will come back just to piss me off and be assholes. i know it seems like im being a little dramatic but there is a reason that i left this job - they like to torment people. its a really fun game particularly after a couple of drinks. just having them there really threw me. </p> <p>i think its sort of like seeing an ex-boyfriend. aside from those cases in hollywood where all couples manage to stay "good friends,", most people break up because someone is a jackass or someone cheated or lied. you don't want to see this person again at all. if you do it is probably just because you want to cause them severe bodily harm - the ever popular tossing of the glass of wine, thowing a plate at their head or coining their BMW all being marvelous ideas. unfortunatly the fact that two of these are illegal and one wastes a perfectly good glass of wine means that it is just in your best interests not to see this person. </p> <p>this is how i feel about mr bald and the narcassist.....they cause intense bloodlust. </p> <p>im praying to god they don't come back. unfortunatly i don't have a brillant understanding with the man upstairs so im not sure how much good that will do. maybe if i cross my fingers as well?</p> <p><em>[btw - the place that i am working at the moment is an very upmarket resturant in central auckland. i have only been there 2 weeks now but at working full time as im on holiday. its seems to be going ok - pretty stressful, run off my feet - but im enjoying it. im quite glad to have gotten this job because they offer a lot of hours and because if i get sick of my cafe job i can just leave and not have to worry about finding somewhere new.] </em> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/30/just_a_little_bit_of_bloodlust~426643/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-26:/2005/12/26/copella_in_the_making~416572/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-26T08:45:29+01:002005-12-26T08:45:29+01:00 <p>i finally got around to applying for my classes for semester one 2006 and it turns out that for the production course i want to do there is a tough application process. by the tenth of january i must have filled out the application form detailing the films i am influenced by, submit a piece of critical or creative writing and also a piece of visual work such as a painting or short film. with only 15 available places on the course im fucking terrified i won't get in. </p> <p>in addition to the examples of work which i must provide, i also have to detail the ten minute film or doco which i want to make. i have no idea what i want to produce!!!! aren't they supposed to help us with that? what i come up with could be completly wrong or outside the realm of possibility given the budget and available equiptment. im totally terrified.</p> <p>here are a few very vague and general ideas so far. <strong>please</strong> let me know what you think. i'm not sure if the things i find interesting appeal to other people. also, i'm about to have a panic attack any minute and its clouding my ability to see straight.</p> <p>i really loved lost in translation and think that the ideas to the film - being lost in life, unsure of where to go next and totally out of place are interesting. i was thinking that i could do a mini-film about a girl who runs away in an attempt to escape all the pressures in her life and things that didn't turn out the way she hoped. i don't know how it would end - perhaps she meets someone who helps her or perhaps she decides to leave - buys a plane ticket to start over somewhere new. not sure.</p> <p>i also think the idea of the quarter-life crisis is quite interesting. today's youth has more options than ever before but is the most medicated generation in history, something i know a little about. we cannot decide what to do with our future and compare ourselves to the many 'wiz-kids' our own age earning millions and achieving wonders. i suppose i would have to do this in a doco format (i'm not really a fan of the doco so if you can think of something different i'm all ears) and look at whether the so called "quarter-life-crisis" is a real problem and what can be done to stop it. part of the problem is the willingness of doctors the throw prescription meds at the problem rather than going to the root.</p> <p>another idea that i find really interesting is the news in an age of infotainment. we all seem to know the newspapers are not telling us the whole story and that what we see on the news is basically entertainment with a little banter and a few glossed-over world events but we don't search for the truth. the number of people the rely on their newspaper of tv news rather than looking at indy media websites is ridiculous. the majority of people have no idea what is going on in the world. is the problem that the truth is not easy enought to find or that we simply don't care? this would also have to be a doco. im not sure that this and the quarter life crisis idea are concepts that you can really look at in under ten minutes. im kind of leaning towards making a film because im not really interested in making documentaries. it is a little boring really and does not really have much room to be creative.</p> <p>what do you think? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/26/copella_in_the_making~416572/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-25:/2005/12/25/nothing_like_the_taste_of_sweet_decline~415116/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-25T13:23:09+01:002005-12-25T13:23:09+01:00 <p>the slow decline begins when another child reveals the truth about "santa." not really a jolly old man in a red suit she said, but two well meaning parents carefully wrapping gifts in the dead of night when all are tucked up in bed. </p> <p>it is not long after this that one becomes too old to sit on santa's lap at the mall, that one learns of the stress and expense that the holiday season brings. it is often those wonderful women whose job it is to dress the turkey and brave the mile long queues at the grocery store who are heard to utter the phrase "i hate christmas. its really just for the kids anyway." </p> <p>this year brought the stress of fitting in hours of shopping searching for the perfect black shorts for little miss sweet sixteen, the darling sister whose christmas list reads like a wedding registry it is so lengthy and filled with pricey trinkets. </p> <p>with our father overseas and all the family living in UK it was just the three of us for christmas dinner and presents. although it is not a subject which i have any authority on, i think the feeling that proceeds the gift opening and big dinner is similar to that of dissapointing sex with a new boyfriend. the excitement has been mounting (ok so this is not an analogy which applied to those people who sleep with a person on the first date - three date rule at least people!!) you expect it to be fantastic. you smile the whole way through because you know thats what is expected but its not what you were hoping it would be. when its over you are left with a slight feeling of disapointment and the urge to doze of to sleep. </p> <p>perhaps im becoming a bit of a grinch in my old age. i really used to get into christmas. i got some great gifts - chanel skincare line, hello kitty notebook i picked out for uni, an anklet and loads of lip gloss and things. dinner was great. chalk up another one to my wonderful mum both for an excellent turkey and the proceeding game of monopoly in which she cleaned us out. </p> <p>i don't know. maybe im just having an off year. am i the only one for whom christams has lost a little of its sparkle? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/25/nothing_like_the_taste_of_sweet_decline~415116/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-25:/2005/12/25/merry_christmas_to_all_and_to_all_a_good~415058/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-25T12:51:09+01:002005-12-25T12:51:09+01:00 <p>Merry Christmas to all my blog friends. I hope you have a wonderful day filled with turkey, pudding, well meaning presents from your mum, laughter and family. <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/25/merry_christmas_to_all_and_to_all_a_good~415058/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-13:/2005/12/13/an_eye_for_an_eye~383150/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-13T14:05:06+01:002005-12-26T08:50:18+01:00 <p>despite a strong campaign for clemancy, "tookie" williams was put to death a couple of hours ago. i suppose it is hardly surprsing considering the love of human death that seems to reside in the US and the person who was allowed to make this choice. arny is hardly the poster boy for second chances and forgiveness. </p> <p>i don't believe that tookie was innocent and certainly do not believe that a man's 'reformation' or the penning of a few childrens books is really a reason to allow him to have his sentance reveiwed. when you take the life of another person you should pay for that for the rest of your own life. the death penalty is not a valuable method of punishment though. in truth it is an easy out, an escape from what would otherwise be a lifetime of guilt and suffering in a jail cell.</p> <p>the concept of 'a life for a life' is flawed. when you kill a person, you not only hurt them but you hurt all that know them. should the family and friends of criminals also suffer for crimes which are not their own? and what room is there for error? what can u really offer to a woman whose husband, brother or son has been wrongfully executed?</p> <p>it is simply wrong to take the life of another no matter what kind of crime they have committed. we condem those who murder and yet in the same breath sentance them to death. </p> <p>~ an eye for an eye does nothing leaves the whole world blind ~ </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/13/an_eye_for_an_eye~383150/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-09:/2005/12/09/malice_in_wonderland~372922/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-09T13:54:41+01:002005-12-09T13:54:41+01:00 <p>one of my teachers once said to our class - as soon as you right something down, you must be prepared for it to be posted on a lampost for every person to see. </p> <p>as i sit here typing i posess a kind of freedom - the ability to say what i choose without risk of judgement or offending someone. not only am i free of censorship, i am free of self-censorship. no one i know reads this blog. friends and family are either unaware of its exsistance or simply respect the fact that it is the closest thing a have to a diary and is therefore private.</p> <p>however, i found out yesterday that this is no longer the case. someone has found 'elle in wonderland' - the bf of china girl to be more specific. </p> <p>to begin with i was quite upset that he would go out of his way to find something which i consider to be quite private. this is where i vent my thoughts. i would not say these things outloud for often they are neither right nor reasonable. after thinking about it though, im not sure i even have a right to be upset. this is not private at all. its is on the internet - out there for all to see.</p> <p>do your friends or family read your blog? do you censor what you say because you know that these people read your words?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/09/malice_in_wonderland~372922/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-09:/2005/12/09/imagine~372723/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-09T12:27:33+01:002005-12-09T12:27:33+01:00 <p><em>Imagine there's no heaven<br> It's easy if you try<br> No hell below us<br> Above us only sky<br> Imagine all the people<br> Living for today...</p> <p>Imagine there's no countries<br> It isn't hard to do<br> Nothing to kill or die for<br> And no religion too<br> Imagine all the people<br> Living life in peace...</p> <p>You may say I'm a dreamer<br> But I'm not the only one<br> I hope someday you'll join us<br> And the world will be as one</p> <p>Imagine no possessions<br> I wonder if you can<br> No need for greed or hunger<br> A brotherhood of man<br> Imagine all the people<br> Sharing all the world...</p> <p>You may say I'm a dreamer<br> But I'm not the only one<br> I hope someday you'll join us<br> And the world will live as one</em></p> <p> - in memory of John Lennon on the 25th anniversary of his tragic death. </p> <p>May we never give up hope that the world which he imagined will one day exsist. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/09/imagine~372723/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-06:/2005/12/06/heres_looking_at_you_kid~364351/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-06T11:11:30+01:002005-12-06T11:16:22+01:00 <p>Last tuesday i rented out a few movie classics i had been intending to see for quite some time and really are required viewing for any aspiring film maker/producer/director/actor like myself. (im currently undecided as to which area i want to go into. i would quite like to be a person with a finger in each pie so to speak). anyway, i thought i would give my humble opinion of a few of the film greats. </p> <p><strong>Casablanca</strong> - supposidly one of the greatest romance movies of all time. i wouldn't give it a ten out of ten but it was pretty good. it is quite refreshing to watch a romantic film that dosn't feel the need to go all 'nine and a half weeks' on your ass. </p> <p><strong>Clockwork Orange</strong> - would i rent it out again? well no. only minutes into the film it becomes apparent why the film was banned for a time. (copycat crimes occurred after the film was released and so Kubrick himself stopped circulation of the film in England). it was however, filmically brilliant. the cinematography was amazing and shots like the 'kubrick stare' (the opening shot - a close up of Alex's face is an image which re-occurs in almost all of the director's films) and the almost slapstick nature of the orgy scene and use of Beethoven's 9th throughout is incredibly unique.</p> <p>Having said all that, it is rather a graphic, weird and violent film not reccomended for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. i watched this with my mum and she did not enjoy it much at all. </p> <p><strong>Pulp Fiction</strong> - i have never heard the words motherfucker said so frequently in such a short period of time. incredible. oh course there is little that can be said about this film. everything by tarantino is just brilliant. I'm not really a fan of the intense violence that is present in pretty much everything he has made but the way he does it, his style of directing, the characters he plays in his films, is just brilliant. frankly i am also not a fan of travolta in the least. its not that he is a bad actor. there is just something supremly irritating about watching him on screen (i think perhaps part of it is his voice?). even i thought he was good in this film though. </p> <p>the way that pulp fiction presents the idea of redemption through so many different stories is quite unique. my personal favourite sequence is that in which Tarantino features. Both he and Winston Wolf - the clean up man - are really funny. i love that there is a conversation about coffee going on in a scene in which peices of a dead man are being scooped up of the interior of a car. </p> <p><strong>Resevoir Dogs</strong> - i wasn't crazy about the violence or incredible gore in this film. when Mr Blonde cuts off the policeman's ear i had my face burried in a pillow. there is something mezmerising about it though - when me blonde first slashes him across the face and dances around the room to 'stuck in the middle' there is an incredible sadistic beauty and irony created. it is said that the reason that people watch these kinds of films to cater to their inner masochistic. perhaps a tiny part of each person would like to be that unfeeling, free from consciounse and fear of consequence. </p> <p><strong>The Secretary </strong>- not exactly a classic i know. i had seen part of it at a friends house some time ago though and can't stand only seeing part of a film. also, i'm a huge fan of both maggie gyllenhaal and james spader. he is fucking brilliant. has anyone seen him in Boston Legal? that has just recently started screening in NZ and he and actor who plays Denny Crane (can't remember his name right now) are the sole reason to watch the show. the film was actually pretty good i thought. a little twisted and weird, but every now and then you need a break from the candy-coated Hilary Duff type movies that Hollywood spits out by the truckload. </p> <p>well, thats what i think. has anyone else seen these? what did u think? </p> <p> - elle <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/06/heres_looking_at_you_kid~364351/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-05:/2005/12/05/smile_like_you_mean_it~361411/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-05T06:38:06+01:002005-12-05T06:41:47+01:00 <p>....a song by awsome vegas band, the Killers, and the phrase uttered to Jem as we walked into the kingdom of the party princess friday night. </p> <p>i could think of better ways to spend my evening, like perhaps washing my hair, but bailing on her birthday so late would have caused more drama than it was worth. this week i have been subject to the endless moaning and bitching about one girl who decided not to come at the last minute and frankly thought i would save myself the tirade that would no doubt come my way had i not showed. also, good friend skinnie minnie (perhaps the only person i know who can wear stovepipe jeans and look fucking fab!), Jem and a few of the other girls were going and we don't see each other very often so it was nice to catch up. </p> <p>while the evening got off to an awful start, not least of all due to my intense anger towards the birthday girl, it turned out to be not such a bad party after all. the party princess, appropriatly decked out in a tiara, was serving wine but one of my girlfriends had smuggled in a bottle of 42Below (its a new zealand made vodka - im not an expert but its supposed to be very good). anyway, there are very few things that don't look a lot brighter after huge quantities of vodka. i even spoke nicely to the very disliked miss know-it-all who came wearing a dress that resembles the one most people wore to an auntie's wedding at age twelve. ahhhh!! the fashion mistakes are never ending! </p> <p>i also managed to find the off duty police officer who had been invited, and after trying to find out how to get out of a speeding ticket (i am always late so tend to be a bit of a speed demon), decided i would tell him all about my occasional pot smoking. probably shoudn't have had those last few glasses of 42Below.....or maybe it was the champagne. </p> <p>i wrote something along the lines of "your a hot bitch" in the party princess' birthday book, ate her cake.....or more truthfully, the iceing on her cake, and we left. </p> <p>not the best evening to date, but lets be honest.....any night that ends with some damn good chocolate cake can't be all bad right? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/05/smile_like_you_mean_it~361411/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-04:/2005/12/04/about_a_boy_the_sequel~358975/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-04T06:12:44+01:002005-12-04T06:12:44+01:00 <p>most sequels fail to live up the the original. often reprsenting a huge dissapointment, they survive only on the success of their predessor which drags in hopeful audeinces wanting to re-live the brilliance of part one. </p> <p>i had agreed with the boy that we would meet on monday, after he managed to completly flake on last sunday's plans. after he promised to make it up to me, monday brought only dissapointment i was not even accorded the lame excuse that followed the previous sunday.</p> <p>bastard. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/04/about_a_boy_the_sequel~358975/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-03:/2005/12/03/trapped~357209/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-03T13:20:48+01:002005-12-03T13:20:48+01:00 <p>i feel trapped on some kind of ride in which the scenery never changes. its all the same, day after day. the same people, the same places, the same mindless conversation. </p> <p>its not enough. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/03/trapped~357209/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-12-02:/2005/12/02/still_kicking_around_the_sand_box~354033/elle_in_wonderland2005-12-02T05:28:51+01:002005-12-02T05:32:49+01:00 <p>tonight is yet another 21st. about a month ago a pink card arrived inviting me to come and celebrate the fact the the party princess is "officially, if not emotionally, an adult." The pretty pink card also informed me, not very subtly that "presents, hugs, cards and kisses will be graciously accepted."</p> <p>i am not the best of friends with the party princess and so immediatly called china girl so we can arrange to go in together on a gift and maybe car pool. however, due to previous clashes between the two girls it became apparent that china girl had been left off the invite list. although a little surprised, i must conceed that it is the perogative of the party princess to chose her guests. what was extremly uncalled for, was the many many times that she made a point of mentioning the birthday bash to the bf of china girl knowing full well it would get back to her. it feels like grade school - "you not invited to my party." I am stunned and somwhat disgusted by her need to rub salt in the wound and purposly be hurtful. <img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"> invite who you want but there is no nee to be a bitch about it. </p> <p>i was also somewhat appaulled that each guest was, not very subtly, told to bring a gift. <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> when invited to a person's birthday, particulalry one where the champagne will be flowing, it is polite to bring a present of some kind. however i resent being "told" to buy one and think it displays a total lack of class to ask. nevertheless, i was raised a polite girl and will restrain myself from showing up empty handed. helped by my equally appauled younger sister, i went shopping and bought the party princess some cute handmade soaps and chocolate body paint. shes a cow but her bf is a pretty nice guy so i thought i'd get something to benefit him a little <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>part of me wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake the selfish immiturity out of her. i want to ask her in front of her 50 closest friends if it makes her feel really big to treat people that way. I would like to point out that her pretty pink invite is correct, she is turning 21 in years only. the two-year old in the sandbox is still very much alive and kicking. </p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/baby.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/baby_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a></p> <p>the other part of me is just tired of the immiture shit. this kind thing is fine when you are 14 and girly fights dominate your weekends, school-yard lunch hour and after school phone calls. we are at university now, going out and getting real jobs. some of us are taking a very real look at life and trying to decide where we want to be in ten years time. </p> <p>they say that life is like high school. are these the types of people that i will meet as i go out into the world? don't people grow out of this? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/12/02/still_kicking_around_the_sand_box~354033/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-29:/2005/11/29/about_a_boy~346825/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-29T14:32:43+01:002005-11-29T14:32:43+01:00 <p>no. not the film unfortunatly. great film though i thought. if you havn't seen it check it out. one of the most classic moments in cinema occurs in this film when the kid kills a duck with a rock hard loaf of bread. fucking hilarious! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>anyway, this is about the boy. my boy. or not my boy as the case is. we were supposed to catch up on monday. it's now tuesday at 2.30am in NZ and once again it is as if he has disappeared of the face of the planet. i could text him but thankfully pride stops me. i am begining to think that i hallucinate these conversations, that im so desperate that i am dreaming up a guy. and then i realise...if i was dreaming this up, i would come up with a much better scenario than the current situation in which the boy totally forgets any plans that we make. </p> <p>what does it even mean? if he doesn't want to see me then why does he keep bothering me about cathing up? why does he keep making plans?</p> <p>men. who can understand them? why can't they just act normal?!? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/29/about_a_boy~346825/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-29:/2005/11/29/big_news_blogers_and_blogettes~346780/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-29T14:12:23+01:002005-11-29T14:14:46+01:00 <p>It is what has driven me to the point of insantiy all year. It has prevented me from going shopping, from spending time with my friends and from getting any sleep. It has also been the culprit in the case of the huge redbull related hole in my bank account (that stuff is so expensive when you drink it by the carton <img src="/img/smilies/graybigeek.gif" alt="88|" class="middle" border="0"> - i really feel i should be eligable for some kind of discount card).</p> <p>But thankfully it is all over and I can rest easy. Yes. My marks for University have just been posted.......</p> <p>...drumroll please.......</p> <p><em>Foundation of Western Political Thought A-<br> Politics and the Media B+<br> Media in the Information Age B+</em></p> <p>So, its not quite all A's but its pretty good if i do say so myself. Last year i managed to cock it up royally and failed one of my papers for the first time ever. I didn't deal with depression very well and managed to let everything get on top of me. This is a huge imporvement, so I have to say...im pretty fuckin chuffed <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>....i may be the most geeky person ever - getting this excited about my uni marks <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"> oh well. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/29/big_news_blogers_and_blogettes~346780/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-23:/2005/11/23/the_dance_we_do~330655/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-23T10:02:07+01:002005-11-23T10:13:44+01:00 <p>on sunday i was supposed to be going to lunch with the boy. however, after organising to catch up earlier in the week he never texted or called. he has been asking me to catch up for weeks now, with exams, assignments and work making it impossible. then when we finally do manage to organise a time he flakes.</p> <p>after YEARS of bad timing and meddling friends we finally hooked up a couple of months back. its one of things that has been there for ages, it would almost happen....and then nothing. so i thought that after we hooked up it was finally coming together. then he dropped of the face of the planet. i heard nothing from the boy for about two weeks at which point i broke my rule of never being the one to call or text and sent a casual newsy text to which i got no reply. (this rule is founded on the beleif that as women will later go through things such as child birth and stiletto heels that perhaps men could step up to the plate a little in terms of making the first move and doing the calling etc. there is also possibly a little fear of rejection <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0">) </p> <p>i then felt rejected and very crap about breaking my rule for the boy. this is the reason that such rules exist. silly silly elle. <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> the thing is that even if nothing ever happens, i really like having him as a friend.</p> <p>the boy then texts after months and says hi, lets catch up. i ignore him and tell him im busy. he gets the point and apoligises for not getting in touch sooner. short of being in a coma there is no excuse! <img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>i am weak though and finally agree that we should catch up. thus we come to sunday last and the pathetic excuse offered on monday morning -<br> "im the most fucking usless person in the world. I had to stay late at work and didn't have my phone. can we catch up today?"</p> <p>well no arguement here. yes. i agree he is usless and out of pride, not a busy schedule, tell him that im not free today. if it was anyone else i would tell them to walk away. that they deserve to be treated better. but its not. </p> <p>i agree to meet the boy next monday and let him make it up to me. very weak i know. </p> <p><em>is anyone else mourning the loss the the phone call or even the old fashioned letter. what happened to that? although i suppose i am lamenting the loss of personalised stationary type communication in an online diary. <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></em> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/23/the_dance_we_do~330655/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-22:/2005/11/22/mr_right_or_mr_right_now~328173/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-22T12:01:27+01:002005-11-22T12:06:16+01:00 <p>i have never been in love, something which i am not considerbly worried about at this tender age. i look at all my friends who are been dating their boyfriends for as long as five years and i feel suffocated. Shouldn't these be the years of fun and adventure, one night stands and all night parties? Rather, each invitation to go out is followed by the dreeded..."can my boyfriend come?" or "i can't. im going out with X and his friends." There seems to be some need to carry around one's boyfriend like a small handbag. Even if a girl owns a very beaufitul louis vuitton speedy for example, she should still change it up once in a while. </p> <p>i am not against long term relationships. Despite recently becoming a child of divorce, i would love to get married someday. I would love to find someone who i could stand to be arround for such extensive lengths of time. The emphasis however, is on SOMEDAY. </p> <p>The concept of a 'soulmate' - i hate that word. who really says that?! - is a little movie of the week. However, its status as a cinderella fantasty dosen't stop us searching for 'the one.' Isn't age 20 a little early though? one barley knows who they are at this age, nevermind who they want to be with long term. i think that before one can decide which flavour of ice-cream is their favourite, they must sample at least a few of the options. </p> <p>Isn't this the time for mr or mrs right now? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/22/mr_right_or_mr_right_now~328173/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-14:/2005/11/14/management_material~306215/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-14T08:59:19+01:002005-11-14T08:59:19+01:00 <p>Ahhh it was too good to last. After that moment of upbeat blogging, I am returning to whinging about work. After having what I though was a pretty good weekend at the cafe I'm really upset to have popped into work today to find out how wrong I really was. </p> <p>We had been pretty busy and I had been doing coffee - all 270 each day according to till receipts. I was also trying to "improve my management of staff." Apparently I'm not firm enough with people which is fair enough really. After working at a restaurant where my few staff where all older than me, I’m not used to having to tell people what they should be doing each second and I don't enjoy it. As much as I loath this part of myself, I am terrified of what people are thinking about me and so am hesitant to be bossy or get angry with people. I have my moments where a once extremely short temper rears its head but for the most part I prefer to be nice about things. </p> <p>Anyway, despite actually mustering up a whole heap of authority and bossiness - actually telling the girls what to do! - I am still "not up to scratch." Apparently my boss had had complaints from customers and from the kitchen staff that things were not organised enough. It also didn't help that we finished at 5.30pm when she thinks every other shift has been finishing at the rostered time of 5pm. In actual fact at least one of the other managers has been making her staff write 5pm to avoid the wrath of the boss. Damn my belief that it’s unreasonable to ask people to work of free, that my overworked staff should be paid for their time!! </p> <p>I am resisting the urge to be extremely pathetic and perhaps somewhat dramatic, crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself. Maybe a bit later. </p> <p>Perhaps I should just quit now. I have actually improved while I’ve been there but it is very disheartening to hear that I have always done something wrong. I suppose the simple answer would be to stop fucking it up...but how can I make a person clear with a bit more urgency and stop the new girl just forgetting to write down orders. It isn't like I’m not telling them constantly and feeling like a right bitch in the process. Perhaps I should go back to what I know. Any job that requires a person to get up at 6.30am was never meant to be anyway. I could go back to working nights at restaurants, actually talking to people instead of running around like a mental person taking quick glances at a seemingly endless queue. I shouldn't worry about it so much. It’s a part time job and not one that I ever actually intended to stay at for any length of time. I so hate the feeling of defeat though. It is far greater to walk out triumphant that to crawl away a failure.</p> <p>For now I have signed on for extra shifts as my car has a seized hinge and my dentist has just informed me that I am in need of a filling. Its been an expensive week so I’m in need of the cash. Unbelievable that a dentist can charge you $150 to sit there in intense pain for 45mins. I am not a person who deals with pain well at all - my intense and almost hysterical phobia of needles once resulting in my hitting (only very lightly - I promise! I was quite young at the time) a nurse who I thought was trying to jab me. </p> <p>I suppose one can only hope that tomorrow brings brighter things.</p> <p> - elle </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/14/management_material~306215/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-11-14:/2005/11/14/free_at_last~306082/elle_in_wonderland2005-11-14T06:34:09+01:002005-11-14T08:02:01+01:00 <p>i can, for the first time in a while now, breathe. im happy, relieved, and the tiny men who resided in my skull appear to have packed their little hammers and moved on to their next victim. </p> <p>why so happy you ask? have i finally found $24,000 to buy the BEAUTIFUl fendi spy bag? did someone finally get rid of bush? unfortunatly no. but am i the only one who has getting a little satisfaction out of seeing old Dubya fuck it up royally in recent months. he just can't seem to win! its like some sort of screwed up comedy-based reality tv. </p> <p><em>'next time on <strong>W in the White House</strong>, watch as Bush bumbles through a second natural disaster and the new Scooter Libby scandle. Who will be voted out of the oval office?'</em> </p> <p>perhaps the little men with hammers have moved on to those people who voted for the idiot! such people would probably have a great deal more room upstairs. one can only hope. anyway, actually the source of my intense feeling of freedom is my recently ended exams!! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> i probably should have studeed more and been more organised but i don't care anymore. i am now enjoying the begining of my four months of freedom!!!!! i actually get to sleep more than three hours a night!! i don't look like the walking dead anymore and have even willingly gone to the gym. i feel so much better already!!</p> <p>im not going away anywhere for the holidays. i kinda just want to get a second job, get a bit of cash together so i can go and meet up somwhere with my dad. i also want to do all those nagging little things that one intends to do but which get pushed the the wayside after a hard days work.</p> <p>i also intend to get out heaps of the movies that i have been wanting to see for ages. I never seems to have time to go to the movies of even get out a dvd during semester and there are loads of classics which, as a film student, i feel like i should have seen. im planning on sitting down with Clockwork Orange, Trainspotting, Pulp Fiction, Resevoir Dogs, The Breakfast Club and Broken Flowers (on Plowe's recommendation <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0">. Then there are all the not-so-classics, but still seemed like they would be worth a look, such as Garden State, Finding Neverland, Farenheit 9/11, Closer. Are there any others anyone recommends as a must see?</p> <p>in other good news....i finally got to "talk" to my dad last night <img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"> he lives in Cambodia but is usually somewhere like Indonesia or Afganistan doing Aid work for the Red Cross or Relief International. It is too expensive to call and almost impossible to hear what he is saying when do do decide to do so. So, we email and occasionally use MSN to keep in touch. MSN in cambodia tends to be a little unreliable and consantly cuts off but last night he got to talk to him for about 2 hours! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> he happened to be at a internet cafe that had webcam so we got to see him as well. its just sorta a releif to see that hes ok and in one peice (he ripped a tendon in his leg a while ago and has had a few other health problems). we haven't seen him now in almost two years so it was good to see him smile. i think in a sense, being able to see him 'in real life' reassured me that he is still there. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Due to fights with Inland Revenue and his attempting to become tax non-resident, he hasn't been back to new zealand in about two years. i actually can't beleive i havn't seen him in that long. miss sweet sixteen (my sister) and i are all trying to get a bit of cash together so we can meet him in Cambodia in the new year. i have been there twice before and while i was originally disappointed not be doing the classic NZ family hop across the ditch to aussie, i absolutly loved it. We stayed in the capital, phnom pehn, and visited the outer provinces. The most memorable bit of the trip which i cannot recommend enough is Angkor (tomb raider was filmed at angkor for anyone who has seen the film). i know it seems like quite an odd place to take a family vacation but the whole thing was really phenomenal and very much a mind broadening experience. </p> <p>thats all for now.....</p> <p>Luv elle_in_wonderland</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/11/14/free_at_last~306082/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-10-31:/2005/10/31/grant_me_the_wisdom_to_hide_the_bodies~272788/elle_in_wonderland2005-10-31T11:17:02+01:002005-10-31T11:17:02+01:00 <p>i received this email from my dad a while ago and stumbled upon it again yesterday when i was doing a bit of computer spring cleaning (im trying to avoid studying for exams). anyway, it made me smile so i thought id post it in the hope it might brighten up someone elses day too <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-1.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-1_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a></p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-3.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-3_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a></p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-4.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/elle_in_wonderland/img/poem-4_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a></p> <p>Luv L. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/10/31/grant_me_the_wisdom_to_hide_the_bodies~272788/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-10-23:/2005/10/23/every_bit_the_gentleman~255449/elle_in_wonderland2005-10-23T13:40:02+02:002005-10-23T13:40:02+02:00 <p>sorry not to have replied to comments, emails recently. its all been getting on top of me a bit. without getting too mushy....thank you everyone for listening. i get whiney at times i know and im sure that my small problems are a small blip on the radar comparitively. so thanx. its nice to know there is someone 'listening.'</p> <p>this week was my last day of lectures and my last assignment. after sitting in front of it for two weeks i finally went to see my doctor. it turns out that one of the symptoms of depression is having the attention span of a ten year old and an inability to focus. fantastic news!! well not really but at least i know im not just lazy or going insane. anyway, i have been firmly instructed to take the medication which i should have been taking all along <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"> and go and talk to someone (not thrilled about the prospect of this at all). i look forward to much happier days and you dear reader may look forward to much happier posts! <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>i still have three exams to sit but i think i will be ok - apparently i should be back in tip top shape in a coupe of weeks so fingers crossed.</p> <p>the assignment which i was struggling with was actually all about virtual communities - whether they exist or a simply a false relationship which people in the modern world use to make themselves feel better about the lack of community in real life. it raises the question of whether it is possible to have a real relationship with other people without seeing, touching them etc. for instance, have you developed 'real' friendships with other bloggers? and if you can simply walk away from the person by neva returning to their blog or a certain chat room then is it a real connection? </p> <p>anyway, in non uni news (it is holidays soon so i will stop talking about it i promise) ....im still upset over the thing with china girl. i hear what you are all saying... that maybe she didn't want to worry me. the thing is though that its now six months later and she told her bf and a few of our other friends a while back. there are heaps of times that we have talked about uni in the last couple of months and she just carried on as though nothing had changed. she could have told me that she had dropped out but instead she just lied by omission. </p> <p>the problem now is that there isn't really anything she can say that will make me feel better. i talked to her about it briefly tonight and she basically said that she didn't want to let everyone know that she screwed up. since when do friends only tell each other the good stuff though? of all the people she told i am the person who has been through wat she is going through and would have understood. i sort of see where she is coming from....or im trying to, but at the same time what is says is.....she will tell her bf of a couple of months before she will tell her friend of years. i know im getting more upset about this than i should. i will get over it i suppose. can't help thinking that it won't be the same though. wat kind of friends have no idea wat idea wat is going on in each others lives?</p> <p>onto happeir things.....<br> i had my costume party the other night. i wanted to go costume shopping to see if i could find any of the costume's you guys suggested - very cool ideas <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cool.gif" alt="B)" class="middle" border="0">. unfortunatly i was doing my assignment right up until the last minute so that didn't happen. i had to put something together with wat i had available so i went as a gentleman. my dad has an old silk top hat which i wore with a black suit, unbuttoned tuxedo shirt i borrowed from my mum and an undone bow tie. i wore my hair in very pretty ringlets (didn't want to look like too much of a guy) and actually ended up looking damn sexy if i do say so myself <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>i would have liked to go as marilyn monroe but it was quite lucky that i didn't - the birthday girl chose that costume <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> also present was a 'lighthouse' (a person with a rockcliming light attached to his head - go figure), 'man in suit' who was hitting on me all night and who i decided looked quite like a Beatle (had that retro hair thing going on <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0">), the 'pink ladies' a la Greese, many a princess, bananas in pajamas (bold choice to show up somewhere in your pjs i have to say), the Mask and a few slutty police women. all in all not a bad night. turned out to be quite the school reunion really. it was a strange feeling being there really. its nights like that that show you how much you have changed, how much you no longer fit with the people you once did.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/10/23/every_bit_the_gentleman~255449/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk,2005-10-17:/2005/10/17/upset_and_questioning_my_right_to_be_so~240154/elle_in_wonderland2005-10-17T13:19:19+02:002005-10-17T13:28:26+02:00 <p>i had intended to reply to comments and update this blog again when my assignments were all handed in and i had a bit more time. after last entry, had not really felt like talking. now i feel like i have no one left to talk to.</p> <p>tonight i found out that china girl has taken a break from uni this semester after running away to christchurch back in july. her parents are now making like very difficult for her and have enforced a 12am curfew or told her to move out. </p> <p>while im very upset for her that things have gotten this bad, im more upset that she didn't tell me. a bit selfish reaction i suppose. i am one of her closest friends, or supposed to be. she is the one person who i can talk to but it seems that she can't talk to me. we have hung out a lot in the last six months and i have been non the wiser. we have actually talked about classes at uni. </p> <p>i havn't been this upset in a long time and at the same time question my right to be upset. she does not have to tell me about her problems. i want to be angry but really have not right. </p> <p>i would have tried to stop her leaving of course. i wouldn't have told her the usual lie about everything turning out ok. i would have bought her a coffe and told her that i am there for her but is leaving is something she has to do then i will drive her to the airport.</p> <p>im really hurt that she didn't come to me at the time or even tell me afterwards. if you can't tell your friends this kind of thing then who can u turn to? now i am left wondering how close friends we are when something this huge happens and i don't even know. perhaps i should have noticed something was wrong. maybe the person who i consider to be a really close friend is not really such a close friend after all. i suppose i know that she is a good friend but suddenly it all seems kinda uncertain.</p> <p>it is her who i go to when it all turns to shit, so surrounded by tissues im now unsure of who to turn to. there are a group of people who are your friends who you go out with. then there are the people who you can talk to about problems like arguements with siblings or university problems. lastly, there are a select few who you can tell almost anything. they are the people you will call when someone dies, when your parents split up or when you don't want to tlak but you just want someone to sit with you. i feel like iv lost one of these people today or worse that i failed to be this kind of friend for china girl when she really needed someone. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://elle-in-wonderland.blog.co.uk/2005/10/17/upset_and_questioning_my_right_to_be_so~240154/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>